The heart is the substance.

Friday, July 3, 2009

cry day

Today has been hard. I keep hoping I will snap out of it and realize that things are just not that bad. I just keep thinking about it... surgery, being in the hospital, pain, etc. I had a discussion with my mom this morning about advance directives and what I want if I can't speak for myself. It's hard to talk about, because it is important. Important things are often difficult to discuss.

To tell you the truth, I'm scared. There is a huge part of me that just does not want to do this. And I don't have much to do except do things to get ready for the surgery, which is not too fun. I went to see the movie UP today and cried through half of it. I was warned that it was a pretty touching movie, but my goodness... so I suppose I am prepared for my new adventure??

One of the things about being in a sensitive place is that everything is interpretted in light of one's situation.

Luckily, I have friends visiting this week and I hope it will be a welcome break from being inside my own head.

I've been praying, I want to feel good about all of this, but right now I don't. I can't even articulate it in writing very well. I've been drawing some, which is something I used to do all the time. I wish my writing were better right now, but it isn't.

I'm overwhelmed.

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